Questions: Confessions of a Basketball Mom

Every AAU season, the question comes up: "Should our high school girls stick together and play on the same AAU team?" At first glance, the idea seems beneficial—it builds chemistry, strengthens continuity, and gives the team more time to gel.

But as I’ve navigated this process, I’ve realized that what’s best for the team may not always align with what’s best for an individual player’s growth.

Balancing development with team cohesion

My daughter is a dominant player on her high school team. While that’s a great position to be in, it also presents unique challenges. There are still areas of her game that need development, but in a team setting, the focus isn’t always on refining individual skills—it’s often about ensuring the entire group is competitive, learning the system, and executing plays effectively.

Should your child play AAU with their high school teammates?

This isn’t a critique of the coaching staff. They are doing their best with the players they have, just as we as parents are trying to make the best decisions for our children. High school coaches have to focus on the overall success of the team, which means balancing skill development across all players.

The importance of mental stimulation and challenge

One aspect that often gets overlooked in these discussions is mental safety—ensuring that a player is not just physically competing but also mentally engaged and stimulated. A dominant player who isn’t consistently challenged may lose motivation, feel stagnant, or even disengage from the sport. Growth happens when players are pushed outside their comfort zone—when they’re forced to think, adapt, and elevate their game against stronger competition. If a player isn’t being stretched in that way, they may not be getting the experience they need to reach their full potential.

Alternatives to full time AAU team commitment

If the goal of keeping high school teammates together in AAU is to build chemistry for the upcoming season, but individual player goals differ, there are alternative ways to achieve that balance. Not every player needs to be on the same AAU team for the entire spring and summer. In my previous blog post, I discussed all the factors that go into these decisions, and naturally, not every player will land in the same place after considering their individual needs.

A great compromise is for the high school program to organize monthly offseason practices or scrimmages. This allows players who are on different teams during the offseason to continue building chemistry while still ensuring they are getting the best competition for their personal growth. These sessions can help maintain team cohesion without limiting players who may need a different environment to develop at the level they aspire to reach.

Key Takeaways

1. Assess Individual Growth Needs – Is your player being pushed mentally and physically in their current environment?

2. Balance Team and Individual Goals – If team cohesion is a priority, are there alternative ways to maintain it without sacrificing individual development?

3. Prioritize Mental and Physical Challenges – The right decision should keep a player engaged, motivated, and improving in areas that will help them reach their long-term goals.

There’s no universal right or wrong answer. The key is making sure that the decision aligns with what’s best for the player while still finding ways to support team success. Sometimes that means playing together year-round, and other times it means finding a different competitive environment while ensuring team chemistry remains a priority.

So… tell me… does this resonate with you?