Friday, April 02, 2021

DIARY OF A BASKETBALL MOM (PART V)


So it’s been a while, but I’m BAAACK!



How do we understand and make sense of the downfall of a dream, a wish, or a hope? A desire that is instilled in someone by a higher power than themselves?


How do you push your child somewhere they need to go, but are too afraid to take the first step? I unfortunately don’t have the answer yet. Or do I?  This has been a rollercoaster of a ride and that is an understatement.


So my daughter has come to a place in which she contemplated quitting playing the sport that she has loved since she was 9 years old where she has invested 7 years of hard work, money, time and dedication. Like, really ready to walk away, not because she stopped loving it, but because it stopped loving her. Or rather the “theys” did.


She broke ya’ll! And I blame the system, I blame the people and I blame the “theys”!!! I sat there as a parent holding back tears of hurt, disappointment, anger and rage...I had to take a step back and listen with my heart and not with my emotions.


As I heard her reasons I waited, waited to see if she was serious, if it was real, if it was actually over.

Ultimately, when she allowed me to speak. I took a long, drawn out breath and went IN!


Trying to take myself out of the equation because as y’all know it’s HER dream not mine.

But somewhere along the journey it became mine and it became ours.


When a kid plays sports and at a high level it’s not just the kid that sacrifices, but the entire family.  Years of missed birthday parties, vacations, holidays and special occasions...


My mind says there is NO way I sacrificed this much for nothing. I will not take this lying down.


So I said..."All those people that hurt you, that mistreated you, betrayed you and dismissed you, win the minute you say that I’m done playin.  The moment you say "I don’t want to keep working, trying and fighting is the moment 'they' win and you loose."


I, then asked, "Can you honestly tell me that you would want to stop if it wasn’t for all the bullshit you’ve had to deal with?"  Then followed up with, "Do you really feel like you don’t love this game anymore? You were born for this. Your talent is natural talent. Your knowledge of the game and it’s nuances is something that CANNOT be taught!! You ARE this."


She sat quietly in her thoughts and I, impatiently waiting.


As she thought about what I said she got a call. Within that moment and that phone call she shifted her thinking and said straight out, "I want to start clean, I want to give it my all and I want to earn my place."


She made the decision to move forward.


How it will go from here, I can’t say. It’s a catch-up game at this point. But I am happy that she is willing and ready to meet herself where she is at. Learn to be humble and push in an unknown and unfamiliar direction.



As for me, I wish I could say I have no regrets, but I do.



I regret trusting



I regret not listening for the sake of being loyal



I regret not being selfish



I regret not pushing and allowing her to have too much say



I regret not taking charge



But one thing I don’t regret is the game! I have learned so much and so has she.



Ultimately we don’t know what the future brings, but we do know that we have to trust and have faith. We have to trust that her path is one that will give her the prize she has been striving for and that her position is set in stone and no one can take it away from her.



I pray that one day we can truly thank the “theys” for all the pain and all the heartache because we have learned to be stronger, wiser, more open and more humble.



And to those who are not “theys” but are “US” I say thank you! To those who support us, who believe in us, and look out for us... We see you, we love you and we hope to make you proud!!!



Mama Out! 

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